he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
