I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
