So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
