I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
