oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize