when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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