you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
