I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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