Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I believe in your delicious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
