I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
