5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
