Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
