someone threw a dead crab at me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
