the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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