Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
