she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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