I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The struggles of a small town man whore
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
