Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Randomize
