hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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