Already got asked if we're dating
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
