And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
