i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I will be naked everywhere
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
