I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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