I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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