Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
