Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
