I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
