can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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