We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
