never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
