You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
