still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
