So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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