the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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