I think I won the penis lottery.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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