I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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