made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
