I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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