Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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