Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
