if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize