I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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