I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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