Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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