somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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