They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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