She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
