You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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