help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
