dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
