Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
