Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your penis caused this!
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