i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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