Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A bitchslap is in order.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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