i wish my penis had a tongue
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This baby is an asshole
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
