I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
