Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
