So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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