Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
